William Ury's book, The Power of a Positive No: How to say NO and Still Get to Yes focuses on how to say "no" to a request, while still maintaining relationships. He highlights the value of saying "no" in order to be able to say "yes" to more valuable priorities and opportunities. Some highlights from the book:When we want to say No to an offensive behaviour or inappropriate demand, it is only natural to feel angry. But anger can blind us. In the rush to say No, angrily and sometimes vengefully, it is all too easy to lose sight of the prize -- advancing our interests. Fear too can prevent us from pursuing our objectives. We imagine in advance the other's reaction to our No. What will they think of us or do to us? What will happen to our relationship, to the deal, and thus to our interests? Paralyzed, we accomodate, giving up on our needs. Guilt has a similar effect. "Who am I to say No?" "I don't deserve the time to myself." "Their needs are far more important than mine". Anger can blind, fear can paralyze, and guilt can weaken. (30)
The essence of a Positive No is to assert without rejecting-- to assert your interests without rejecting the other as a person... Because the other can easily misinterpret your No and attribute false motives to you, your Yes is an opportunity for you to clarify your motives in saying No. It offers you a chance to show the other that you are not seeking to reject them personally, but simply trying to protect what is important to you (104).
The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes
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