Snippets: Succeeding When You're Supposed to Fail

 Rom Brafman's book, Succeeding When You're Supposed to Fail explores the personality traits and character qualities that help people to succeed, even if they have faced significant adversity.  He refers to these successful individuals as "tunnelers", and among other things, notes that those who live accomplished lives in spite of obstacles share a common set of characteristics.  Among other characteristics, Brafman notes that "tunnelers" are those who take responsibility for their current situation, who search out meaning in life, that maintain a calm approach to difficulty and who use humour well.  While most of the book is focused on an individual's personal characteristics and approach to life, the last section of the book highlights the importance of mentors, who Brafman calls satellites.  He also outlines ways in which mentors can help others succeed.  In this context, he notes,

"What qualities, then, define a satellite?  One of the most important ingredients is unconditional positive regard, a term coined by the psychologist Carl Rogers.  It refers to the giving of support and acceptance with no strings attached -- with no quid pro quo.  A strong satellite is there no matter what, without an overriding agenda to govern the interaction" (170).

"It's easy to overlook how important that unconditional support can be.  We're so used to paying attention to the other details of leadership -- whether setting boundaries, providing feedback, or teaching -- that we sometimes forget to communicate the most basic element:  that we're there to be counted on no matter what" (178).

"They key is to be honest and direct while also being caring and respectful.  That's what makes it so challenging.  When we're in a position of power, most of us either think of ourselves as the 'authority figure' who lays down the law, or the 'nice guy/gal' who's there to be a friend and supporter.  Combining the two -- which is what makes for an ideal mentor -- forces us to consistently shift roles (180)".  

  Succeeding When You're Supposed to Fail: The 6 Enduring Principles of High Achievement